Monday, November 16, 2009

My Millionth Monday

While I'm not looking to offer an elaborate manifesto, it would seem an introduction is in order. :)

A quick rundown: My name is Lauren. I'm a 25-year-old Indianapolis native currently navigating the Boston area with my boyfriend of five years, Jeff, and our miniature schnauzer, Sydney. Here's a recent picture of the three of us:

By day I'm a public relations executive for an agency specializing in high-tech clients and social media, so I'm no stranger to the blogosphere from a professional perspective.

Personally, I'm in a rut. I've struggled with weight and depression for years. I weighed around 170 for most of high school, and while I was a bit chunky for 5'6", I generally felt okay about myself. I've always thought of myself as "pretty, but I need to lose 3o pounds." In fact, that sentence basically sums up my internal monologue regarding my looks. And I should really work on that.

Anyway, I fluctuated in college and found I felt really comfortable around 160. I wasn't skinny, but I looked great! I've always been larger chested, and looking back on pictures from that time, I can't believe how fantastic I looked. But inside I was still horribly insecure, reeling from several terrible relationships and depressed parents.

In 2004 I began dating my current (amazing) boyfriend, Jeff; I was 19 and weighed around 170. I felt confident, sexy--he made me feel great about myself and my body. Slowly, though, we began retreating into our own little relationship world. We began skipping class and ditching friends to hide away at his apartment. We loved each other, but we had no idea how to balance our obligations with this fantasy "love nest" we'd created. My depression spiraled out of control; my friendships began to crumble; my grades plummeted. Of course, one thing managed to go up: my weight.

Jeff and I awoke from our love como a year and half later to find we'd both gained 60 pounds and nearly failed out of college. I was shocked to learn at the doctor's office that I weighed nearly 240 pounds. I didn't recognize the person I'd become.

As we began to get back on track with school and our lives, the weight started coming off, too. We did Weight Watchers in fall 2006, each losing around 30 pounds. And we also both successfully finished college, GPAs still relatively intact.

But there I've been, hovering around 203, for over three years now. I suppose I should include the quintessential unflattering before pic. Here you go, for all to see...

Anyway, Jeff topped out at 230 and gradually made his way down to 169. It's hard not to compare myself to the infamous Man Standard. They're like, "Hey, I have no issues staying on my plan--I just do it. Man, I've dropped ten pounds in the last two weeks, and I haven't even been working out!"

I've been putting together a lot of the pieces of the weight loss puzzle, but they just haven't been creating a consistent picture. I cook lots of healthy meals, exercise regularly, drinks lots of water, take the stairs--all the things they tell you should help you lose weight. If there are fat skinny people, as is thin people that are actually really out of shape and unhealthy, then I'm a skinny fat person.

Well, here I am, hoping to figure out the reason my pieces haven't yet fit together. In a nation with a food industry dedicated to creating the fattiest, most irresistible concoctions ever known to mankind, the issue of extra weight is hardly uncommon. But I've found so much enjoyment from reading the stories of other healthy living bloggers, and I'm hoping I can get a taste of the encouragement I've been so willing to offer others. Maybe I can deflect some in my own direction, as well.

I leave you with my signature toast and this blog's namesake:

"Here's to it, and to it again. If you ever get to it, do it, because you may never get to it to do it again."


  1. AWESOME post!

    Making a commitment to this blog really can change your life. I recently went to a presentation where the presenter said "if you want to lose weight set a different goal then weight loss."

    It sounds so stupid but of you focus on another activity hobby or commit to this blog and make that your focus it's easier then hinging your happiness on the scale.

    Not sure of that makes sense but it worked for me.

    Keep it up! :)

  2. Thanks so much, Roni! You've definitely been a huge inspiration to me. I think what I love most about your site is how you're constantly trying to soak up all the love and joy in your life. I feel like I spend so much time feeling sorry for myself.

    I think your advice makes a lot of sense. I've been focusing on the scale for three years now and that hasn't gotten me anywhere but frustrated! I think I'll try to focus on truly enjoying my life and developing my cooking skills and accelerating my interest in yoga. I love to make healthy recipes--and thankfully my boyfriend eats and love everything I make!

    Thanks for everything you do, Roni!