Weigh-In Wednesday: A Tricky Number

As of this morning, I weigh 201.6. I'm thankful for this--it's 1.8 pound loss since last week, and I've eaten things like McDonald's, Chinese food, a Reese's Christmas tree (amazing...) and a large chocolate chip cookie. I've also worked out a few times and cut out some late night eating, so I was able to keep things moving in the right direction despite a few too many indulgences. However, this number represents some significant challenges for me.

For the past few months, I've fluctuated between 199-207, generally staying around 204. Only once did I get down to 199, and I was ecstatic. So ecstatic that I rewarded myself with food and laziness and quickly put on a few pounds again.

Ridiculous, right? We're talking about a difference of like five pounds here. It isn't real weight loss, but seeing a number that starts with a 1 instead of a 2 really gets me excited. (Even though these numbers are so arbitrary when you think about.)

Anyway, the past couple months I've noticed a pattern. 201.6 is the number I hit when I'm starting to do well; when I've been on track for a few days, getting some activity, etc. But every single time I bounce back up almost immediately after reaching it. I'm so excited to almost be permanently out of the 200s that I sabotage it. This pattern has to end.

I desperately want to prove to myself that I can lose an actually noticeable amount of weight. For the past three years I've been at almost this exact weight. I really want to lose at least 10 pounds to show myself I can reach a goal if I truly work for it. But thinking about it that way puts too much pressure on everything. I start to feel overwhelmed and give up out of frustration and impatience.

So I'm not "celebrating" this small loss; not this time. I'm not in this for the short run anymore. I choose to celebrate the fact that I've felt more positive recently and am getting on a better track, in general.

Will I break the pattern and continue downward next week, and the weeks after it? We'll see, but I know for sure that my whole mindset is going through a serious positive shift!

Here's my exercise game plan for the rest of the week:

• Tomorrow--Yoga class and running one mile. Last week after yoga I decided to try to run a mile and see how I did. I'm happy to report I ran a 12 minute mile. Not too bad considering I almost never run! I'm planning to continue running just a bit after yoga each week in an effort to improve my endurance.
• Friday-Sunday. Do the 30-Day Shred twice.

Well, after a long day at work and an evening of babysitting our friends' 8-month-old son, I'm completely wiped out. Goodnight! :)